This is not what you imagine will happen when you merrily buy that supple, attractive, leafy house plant whilst casually perusing Homebase. This is total and utter failure. Even as creator of a sad plants blog, this is a low point even for me.
This plant has been this way for some time now (though the relocation to the back patio sans pot is a much more recent occurrence). You may be able to see some slight vestiges of green close to the centre, I foolishly kidded myself into believing it might come back, and these two green parts were the start.
However, an examination of the roots revealed this:
I think the picture speaks for itself.
Are you cursed like me? Let me know!